did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
