She's JV to your varsity
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
