I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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