Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
