I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
