The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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