there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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