I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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