So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
