ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize