I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
