I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
