i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
