When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
