I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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