I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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