If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize