Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
