I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
