there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
