the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
