Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
