you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
