I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize