Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
