So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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