So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
