I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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