He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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