i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
