I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
