Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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