I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
