my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize