Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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