I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
