We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
