I think my fart just growled at me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
