cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
