i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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