Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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