i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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