i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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