I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
