Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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