Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
