I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
