it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
