My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
