Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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