I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize