you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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