I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
