I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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