Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
