i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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