Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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