i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
