Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
