I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
