Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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