sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
