just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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