You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
