a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
