He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
