She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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