i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
