Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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