This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize