OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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