Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
