small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
